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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578506">I Don't Care If You're A Monster</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okikage/pseuds/Okikage'>Okikage</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Soul Crest Gem AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, I Don't Know How To Tag This Sorry - Freeform, M/M, Miscommunication, Movie Night, Soul Gem AU, mentions of Howl's Moving Castle, oh god the angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:09:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okikage/pseuds/Okikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ken is having a Bad Mental Health Night, and Daisuke comes over. They watch Howl's Moving Castle.<br/>(Also, they have gems that have their crests on them AU)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ichijouji Ken/Motomiya Daisuke | Davis Motomiya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Soul Crest Gem AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Daiken Discord Server, Daiken Week 2020, Digimon Crest Gems AU</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Don't Care If You're A Monster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Daiken Week! Day 1's prompt is Kindness/Miracles, and I knew I wanted to do something with Fawnmon and I's Soul Gem AU. They have drawn beautiful concept art/what was SUPPOSED to happen in this fic but quickly morphed into All Angst over here<br/>https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/81580808<br/>You would think that's a big part of the Story, but mostly it's just There. I hope to write more in this AU that isn't the angstiest shit where nobody DOES anything, this doesn't even have a Happy Ending really, which I CRAVE, so of course more needs to come later.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ken was ignoring it. The itch in that terrible thing growing out of his skin, a reminder of his failure to be the person he should be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t deserve to have Kindness etched into his skin like this. A violet hard protrusion on the back of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke was proud of his, as he should be. He wore low-cut shirts all the time now, showing off the golden, beautiful pentagon in the middle of his chest. Daisuke deserved to be branded a miracle for eternity. He certainly was Ken’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken stopped the scratching of his neck again. This was the third time today he’d been touching it, unable to just let the slowly edging in pain go. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> touching his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one was allowed to touch it. His arm fell to the side, trying to focus on his homework.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The numbers blended together, symbols incomprehensible, a blooming headache growing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken wrenched his hand away from his neck again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just wanted it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a little bit. He hated what helped. He called Daisuke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ken! Hey!” Daisuke’s voice washed over Ken, his shoulders relaxing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Daisuke. Do...do you want to hang out tonight?” Ken whispered into the receiver, closing his eyes and hunching into himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heck yeah! I’ll come to your place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the 45 minutes between Daisuke hanging up and ringing Ken’s doorbell, the feeling returned. Ken hesitated to call it pain. There was just a tightness, a discomfort he couldn’t get rid of, tossing and turning his body into pretzel shapes on the floor of his bedroom, waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken opened the door to find Daisuke wearing a t-shirt he appeared to have cut a hole in himself, poorly framing his Miracle crest and fraying along the edges, making the hole grow bigger with each movement of his upper body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tightness muffled as Ken fell into Daisuke’s warm presence. They moved to Ken’s room, Daisuke’s chest was right there, Ken couldn’t stop looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what do you wanna do?” Daisuke asked, lounging on Ken’s floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken scrambled to come up with an activity, a reason he’d called Daisuke over that wasn’t just Ken’s problems. “We could watch a movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha got?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke rifled through the small collection of dvds Ken’s family owned, Ken merely watching curled up on the couch, the itching gone. Daisuke’s shins flexed as he squatted down to reach the box, strong running muscles pulling at his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken watched, he couldn’t stop, it was a compulsion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, this one is new.” Daisuke held up </span>
  <em>
    <span>Howl’s Moving Castle</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Did you see it in theaters last year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t have time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You study too much, Ken. We weren’t even in third year!” Daisuke popped the DVD into the player, grabbing Ken’s remote.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not all about your work third year, school is more cumulative than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke sat too close to Ken. Their thighs were pressed together, and Ken’s school uniform pants were suddenly far too hot and in the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get into a great high school no matter what, you’re like a genius!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was. Not anymore. His neck twinged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s start the movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke clicked the play button and swung an arm around Ken’s shoulders, casual, like he belonged there. He played with the fabric of Ken’s high-necked shirt. He was so close. Ken failed to not think about Daisuke running his fingers a little to the left, the whorls of his fingerprints leaving patterns on Ken’s crest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movie played on, Ken distracted by Daisuke’s arm, his hand, the warm press of his leg against Ken’s own. He thought about how Daisuke had barged into his life. Daisuke had magic etched on his chest. Had saved the world with just the power of his conviction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But not Ken. Ken didn’t deserve to be touched, cared for, saved. At least Howl had never done anything truly wrong, had always known to fight against the war and pain. Ken had caused the War. He’d thrust the Digital World into chaos, because it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because he was disgusting. Because whatever kindness he’d once had had been smashed on the street along with a pair of square glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke grasped his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movie. Ken swallowed a lump in his throat. “It was very beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! That ending...I’m glad Howl and Sophie get to be happy and together, now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...You are such a romantic, Daisuke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke smiled so brightly Ken felt blinded. “You bet. Love is so powerful, I mean, you’ve met Sora!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken hummed, not pulling back from Daisuke putting his other hand on Ken as well, holding him gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus, I relate to Sophie, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?” Ken didn’t admit Howl felt like a better version of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what it’s like -“ Daisuke slid his hand to Ken’s chest “- to find someone’s heart for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke was staring right into Ken’s eyes, poised on the edge of something terrifying and perfect. Ken wanted to grab him and fall. He buried a hand in Daisuke’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You saved me, Daisuke. How can I ever make it up to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke stopped his inexorable march towards Ken’s face. “You don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken’s eyes darted to Daisuke’s lips, slightly parted. “Daisuke, I -“ he stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Daisuke pulled back, taking away the comforting weight from Ken’s shoulder and chest, forcing them both back from the cliff. “It’s pretty late, I’ll head home, see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daisuke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” Daisuke stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken’s neck cracked. “Don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke hesitated, half-off the couch already. He looked at Ken, and Ken shrunk in on himself, feeling judged and Wrong. He even made trying to make Daisuke happy about himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Daisuke sat back down, but gave Ken a good foot of space. His neck was starting to ache again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken felt the night pressing in on him, and hated that he needed Daisuke, closer, wrapped around him. He was a parasite, taking and taking and giving nothing back. He just wanted Daisuke to tell him what to give.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Needed Daisuke to know he could have it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken purposefully lifted himself off the couch and sat back down closer to Daisuke. He put his hand on Daisuke’s knee. He did not take shallow, fast breaths that sent his brain spiraling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you need?” Daisuke asked, always, always Daisuke gave and gave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> need, Daisuke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the one who called you over super late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me give you something! Please, just this once, let me -“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let you what?” Daisuke cupped Ken’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me be </span>
  <em>
    <span>kind</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke sighed deeply, his eyes shutting with a frown. “You’re always kind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not. I’m selfish and cruel and </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> just let me -“ Ken slung a leg over Daisuke’s thigh, half crawling into his lap. “ - let me do something for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t owe me anything. I don’t need anything. I take care of you because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken broke down, sobbing into Daisuke’s shoulder as he clung to his shoulders, felt Daisuke’s own arms wrap around his back. He let Daisuke take him to his room, lay him on the guest futon he rarely put away anymore, always ready for Daisuke, who Ken couldn’t stop clinging to, couldn’t stop needing and wanting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I touch you?” Ken hiccuped into Daisuke’s neck, feeling as he stiffened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I don’t want you to do something because you feel obligated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisuke gulped, arms falling onto the futon and away from Ken. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken haltingly slid his fingers down to Daisuke’s crest, index finger grazing it. His mind exploded with feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Worry. Confusion. He wanted to help so bad, but had no idea what to do. Ken was so confusing, often terrifying in a way. And over everything. Love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An all-consuming feeling of love, for Ken, of Ken, Ken didn’t deserve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his hand back like it had been burned and turned away from Daisuke, rolling to the edge of the futon and nearly onto the hard floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. I - I’m fine, I don’t deserve you, Daisuke, you know that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re wrong.” Daisuke put a soft hand on his shoulder. “You deserve so much more than you think you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ken slowly stopped his pathetic, stupid crying and drifted closer to sleep with Daisuke right next to him, his arms folded around his middle and pointedly not touching him anymore.</span>
</p>
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